She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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