i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
