so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
