it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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