I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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