Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
