i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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