i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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