I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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