I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
