If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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