how can u be prego again
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
