Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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