you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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