so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
