Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
People in love make me want to vomit
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
