The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
