I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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