I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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