Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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