I just saw a hot homeless man
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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