just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
