Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
