If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
