please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
