i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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