Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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