He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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