glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
