Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
