I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
