You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
