I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
