Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
