Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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