he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize