I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
