Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize