The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
