YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I understand Curling. That high.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
