Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
