happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
