she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Your dad touched me again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
