we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
