gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
