I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
