um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
