Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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