Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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