I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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