There was a lot of him and a little penis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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