JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
