I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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