Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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