so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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