i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I want her autograph on my taint
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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