Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
