All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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