is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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