I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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