Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
