i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
