I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
