My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hippo gnu deer
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
