I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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