Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
