For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
