her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
