The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
