1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
420 ftw
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
