i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
