This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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